It becomes pretty clear early on that there are two main “bad guys” here. But the twist is Costner is the “bad bad guy” and Russell is the “good bad guy”. What a strange start to this movie. Russell, playing a guy named Michael, stops at a rundown motel on his way to Vegas. There he meets up with a woman named Cybil (with a “C”, that’s actually a gag in the movie, pretty lame, huh?) played by Courteney Cox. She’s got a kid who’s about eight or nine years old. Within seconds, it seems, Michael and Cybil are having sex and the kid is stealing stuff from Michael. Then it happens again- sex and stealing and I’m sitting there thinking how long is this whole movie anyway because I can think of a few edits I’d make.
What’s tougher that that start is figuring out the purpose of Cybil in this movie. I couldn’t figure out if she just stayed at the motel or just managed it or what her story was. Why does that matter? Well, as things go along, Cybil makes even less and less sense. She’s supposed to be the “girl in the middle” and you’re supposed to try and figure out what she’s up to. Is she in love with Michael? Is she in with Murphy to screw Michael over? Is she in it for herself? There were really no answers at any point in this movie and got annoying.
Of course, if you like shoot ‘em up, there’s plenty of that. The gang carries off their robbery early on, but not at a cost. In a bizarre sequence in which it seemed over one hundred casino security guards charged at the gang with guns a blazin’, I kind of grew tired of it all after a while. How stupid are these people? They kept running right into the gunfire. Then one of the gang, played by Christian Slater, does something stupid (actually it seems natural that Christian Slater would do something stupid, doesn’t it?), then Murphy does something stupid, and before long, it’s Murphy and Michael and Cybil and her son and the money. And that’s where it definitely goes on too long. We go from Vegas to some small town north of Vegas to Idaho to the Canadian border and there seems to be no reason for it except to get us a two hour movie. In the good films of this type, such as a “Pulp Fiction”, there are crosses and double crosses and tough guys and gross, explicit death scenes and some witty dialogue. In this movie about the only thing there is is gross, explicit death scenes. And the only one that really worked for me is the one with Jon Lovitz and some arrows sticking out of him. He was annoying. But that was strange too. Was it necessary to see Lovitz in the death stare with these arrows piercing his corpse? I guess that was supposed to be funny. I think they tried a number of times to be funny or ironic in this movie and it failed. It often just came out weird.
I did like Costner and Russell. Costner plays the “bad bad guy” well. His carefree disregard for life is, at times, amusing. Russell got the “no fun’ part. He has to be the upstanding bad guy who bonds with the little boy and tries to figure out if the girl really loves him. It is maddening just how smart and worldly this kid is though. Enough with the young ones upstaging the tough guys. And if you see this movie, enough with the bullet-proof vest. You’ll know what I mean. “3,000 Miles To Graceland” is about that far from being a good movie. Lucky for them I like the genre. I give it a “5”on the scale.
Friday, February 16th, 2001
You may know by now “Down To Earth” is sort of a remake of “Heaven Can Wait”. That’s the story of a guy who gets taken off to heaven before his time, so to make up for it he gets to inhabit the body of someone who has just died and carry on some kind of life. In “Heaven Can Wait”, Warren Beatty was a football star. In “Down To Earth”, Chris Rock is a bike messenger trying to break through as a stand-up comic. The character Rock plays is named Lance Barton. He comes “back” as Charles Wellington, a rich white guy. He’s given some choices and chooses Wellington not just because he’s rich, but because an attractive woman has just handcuffed herself inside Wellington’s residence. He wants the girl. I’ll skip explaining the handcuff thing if you promise you’ll skip seeing this movie.
Where to begin with what’s wrong with “Down To Earth”? For starters, I guess the title is sort of a spin on “getting down”, since the black guy has now taken over the old fuddy-duddy rich white guy’s body and he’s gonna “get down”. This joke is played over and over as Rock starts using the language of the ‘hood and bopping to the hip-hop sound while in Wellington’s body. Now here’s the problem-on screen, we don’t see an old white guy getting’ down. We see Chris Rock. Yeah, there are occasional glimpses of some old white guy but mostly we see Chris Rock. Plus, we never got to see the old rich white guy before he died, so we don’t know how crazy this looks to people who know him. One big joke lost there.
In “Heaven Can Wait”, the movie used some humor to back a love story about two souls trying to find each other no matter what bodies they occupy. The love story dominated and people took to that movie. In “Down To Earth”, the humor is more front and center and the love story takes a back seat. Well, let me tell you about the humor and you’ll know just how much of a lost cause this all is. Here’s a couple of samples. When Rock first ascends to heaven a guy tries to “cut the line” and one of the angels says, “go to hell”. Later, Rock is told about a hospital that may close and his response is “ I know that hospital, my uncle went there. He needed a new liver. They sent him to the supermarket”. Are you up off the floor yet after all that laughter? He actually used that joke twice in this movie. What is this, vaudeville?
Complicating things, for the worse, are four really awful characters. Two of them are the angels, or God’s assistants, sent to sort out the Lance Barton matter. Not funny. The jokes are badly written, badly delivered. It was painful. Like a bad “Saturday Night Live” sketch when it’s clear everyone is reading the teleprompter or cue cards and can’t wait for this thing to be over. Only this movie is not ten minutes long like a sketch. The other two characters are the old rich guy’s wife and his male secretary. They’re lovers and would like to kill off the old man. Again, painful. They stumble around, play off that old “insult each other till you’re turned on “ joke, and it’s bad, so bad. Somebody must have figured this out because eventually they’re not in any scenes together.
What’s left then is the love story between Lance and the girl who handcuffed herself (remember her?) and that’s a big zero too. Regina King plays the woman and I have to say it, she can’t act. As for Chris Rock as the lover boy type, better stick to comedy. Hey, I like the guy , remember? That’s evident too as the only chuckles in this movie come when Rock goes off on a few riffs and rants. Like when he tells the heckler in the crowd,” Hey, do I come to your job and hassle you? No, you don’t see me knocking the squeegee out of you hand.” Now that’s funny. I’m certain the only times I laughed at this movie were lines Rock adlibbed. I read in an interview that Rock was excited to make this movie after seeing “Heaven Can Wait”. He thought he could improve on it big time. Sorry Chris. To put it your way, “Down To Earth” is one sorry ass movie. I give it a “2” on my 1 to 10 scale.
Friday, February 9th, 2001
Ten years ago when I reviewed “Silence of The Lambs” I gave it a “10” ( yes I was doing on air reviews that long ago). That was one of the very few times I ever rated a movie that high. It was the perfect blend of suspense, acting and story I had seen in a long time. I was kind of surprised it picked up some Academy Awards. Not because I wouldn’t have given it any, but because the annoying Academy voters rarely go for a box office winner, and a bloody box office winner at that.
It’s, of course, all about the return of Hannibal Lecter and the soul he torments, FBI agent Clarice Starling. Anthony Hopkins is back. Jodie Foster is not. Julianne Moore takes over the Starling role and I don’t think misses a beat. Starling is sort of the antithesis of Dr. Lecter. She’s the girl from the poor Southern family once teased as “white trash”, who’s become a super government agent, doing the right thing even if her superiors and peers don’t see that she is. She’s got a natural sense of right and wrong and never crosses the line. Lecter is the educated, urbane man of culture with fine tastes but no conscience who is terribly mentally ill(in case you don’t know or remember he has cannibalistic tendencies). But even he has some sense of right and wrong as it’s explained he’ll usually only kill (and perhaps eat) those who have been “rude” to him. He worships Starling . She only knows he must be caught and proceeds only with a sense of duty.
Author Thomas Harris has reunited them by adding two new characters. Mason Verger is a victim of Dr. Lecter from years ago,the only one who has survived. If you want more on his story, you’ll have to read the book. What will overwhelm you in the movie is his appearance. You see, Lecter got him to disfigure himself and it’s a pretty disgusting sight. He’s played by Gary Oldman and it’s a subtle performance. You find yourself staring so much at the make-up job, you sometimes have to really pay attention when he speaks. Check out those eyeballs! Anyway, Verger is filthy rich and wants revenge on Lecter. He first gets the help of an Italian police detective played by Giancarlo Giannini. After that, he uses Starling as bait.
It won’t be easy. Dr. Lecter is smart, quick and ruthless. You may want to close your eyes a few times. The cat and mouse game, which involves “man-eating” pigs and intestines hanging out of a guy, can be hard to take. Of course, I read the book and was panting with anticipation for some of the scenes, particularly one involving a character named Paul Krendler(played by Ray Liotta), who is a government guy trying to help Verger catch Lecter. When I read the scene in the book I was both disgusted and amazed and couldn’t help turning page after page. The movie version does not disappoint. It comes near the end, so you’ll have to hang in there. Again, you may want to turn away. This is no Valentines date movie.
Maybe some critics are turned off because “Hannibal” has more of Lecter on a murderous path than it does have him match wits with Starling. Maybe so. So what? We never got to see in ”Silence of The Lambs” how much of a cannibal Hannibal really was. This time we do. “Hannibal” stands by itself as a suspenseful well-acted serial killer movie. I knew after reading the book, they’d have to change some things for the movie, especially that ending. They do and it still plays out just fine. I give “Hannibal” an “8”. Yeah, it’s no “Silence of The Lambs”, but no movie I’ve seen since is.
Tuesday, February 6th, 2001
Monica Potter plays the part of Amanda. We’re supposed to feel sorry for her because lying men have made her love life miserable(think “Ally McBeal”). She’s a painting restorer at a museum in New York and the movie starts right off unfunny with scenes of her in the workplace. There’s three old lady coworkers who are , I guess, trying to be the comic relief. They’re frumpy and frigid looking and Amanda may end like them if Mr. Right doesn’t come along. Amanda also has a lesbian coworker ,and, boy, do they work that in the back door. Again, not funny.
But this is all nothing compared to what comes next. Amanda goes apartment hunting and ends up with four new roommates. All of them fashion models. This is where the movie really bites the big one. Their over the top school of bad acting appearance in this movie immediately sinks the whole thing. They try to come off like Karen of the “Will and Grace” TV show . By this, I mean out of touch, dismissive, rich bitches. Walking stereotypes, they have a waiting list of men outside their door dying to spend money on them.Yet they suddenly develop this burning interest in Amanda’s life. Makes no sense, but, mostly, not funny. Truly pathetic writing, truly pathetic acting. Not even good enough as a bad sitcom on the WB TV network .
Finally we meet Jim, played by Freddie Prinze Jr.. He seems to be Amanda’s dream man. She first spots him by spying on him from her new apartment window. They meet when a Great Dane he’s taking for a walk jumps all over Amanda. Which considering the recent story of the lady in San Francisco who got mauled to death by that Mastiff dog really isn’t very funny. Not good timing I guess. Anyway, she’s knows he may be it for her because her knees lock and she falls to the ground. This funny to you? Romantic? Anything? We then get several more scenes of Amanda flopping to the ground either from the dog or her knees or…who cares? Then there’s the story of one of the models who keeps getting plastic surgery done and this causes her to flop to the ground too. People are paid for this, yes, people are paid for this. Did I mention how annoying these models are in this movie? I guess they figured if women drag guys to see this movie, the models will keep the guys happy. Okay, sure.
The only other thing I’ll say about this movie then is that it turns out Jim is not who he appears to be and Amanda suspects he may be a murderer. And from there it’s supposed to be off to mayhem and madcap comedy and believe me, it’s not. I laughed very little and it’s sad to note the only times I did were a couple of toilet humor jokes(literally) ripped off from a pretty good movie from last summer, “Big Mama”. Hey, the model girls do get splashed with feces. That almost made up for things. It’s all too bad because Monica Potter and Freddie Prinze Jr. did have some chemistry going and under all this bad joke writing may have been a real romantic movie. But the “Head Over Heels” that I witnessed should be burnt and the ashes buried. I give it a “1.0” on the scale. Oh well, better luck next week when I’ll review a real Valentines’ date movie, “Hannibal”. If only Dr. Lecter could have chowed down on the dopey people in “Head Over Heels”.
