They want you to know right from the start that this is the beginning of something new in secret agent movies. Some suave guy in a tux is killed by ugly looking guys in the Czech Republic. He turns out to be an agent from the old guard. After that, an NSA guy played by Samuel L. Jackson decides to recruit a new breed of agent. His plan is to use a guy who is already a criminal. He chooses Vin Diesel who eventually becomes known as “Triple X”.

And with that I actually skipped over the best part of this movie, if there is one. In order to be selected, Vin has to go through a series of spy games meant to weed out those who can’t do the job. Lucky for Vin, who is known also as Xander Cage, he happens to also be an X-Game kind of guy. He skateboards, snowboards and parachutes with the best of them. And because he’s a three strike criminal, he doesn’t give a damn. Of course, he’s a “good guy” criminal. His “crime” in the opening scene is stealing some dopey politicians Corvette and dropping it over a cliff. The hack appears to be some right wing kook that movie people always think have it coming. But I tell you, that scene and Xander’s “pre-spy” exam are about as interesting as it gets.

After that, it’s back to the Czech Republic. That’s when the movie goes from Triple X to Triple Z. Yeah, sleepyville. I was bored. Real bored. The Czech villains that Triple X is sent to collect info on are dull, and for the longest time, apparently up to nothing at all.

There’s the lead guy, who looks like an ugly Russell Crowe. And his pretty female number one assistant. Together they sound like Boris and Nastasha from “Rocky and Bullwinkle”. And for about an hour, nothing happens. Then when we finally get to their big secret, it’s laughable. Except I didn’t laugh. Shortly thereafter, I left. Yep – about fifteen minutes short of the end I was out of there. Anybody want to e-mail me the finish? Never mind – I know how it goes. Agent defeats evil, gets girl.

The problem with “XXX” isn’t that it’s predictable. It’s just that for all the promotion over it being about a new breed of hip, “Extreme Game” kind of super spy, it breaks no new ground at all. It’s a snoozer. Our man Xander actually takes a moment to tell one of the Czech guys that smoking is bad for him. Is that supposed to be funny? He also does the obligatory bed scene with the bimbo, declaring “the things I do for my country”. Great, now that’s real groundbreaking.

I used to think Vin Diesel could be the next big action star but in this movie he sounds like Sylvester Stallone after a few too many “Rocky” punches. Only Samuel L. Jackson knows how to act and he helps the movie the few times he shows up. If this is the new spy guy to look forward to, I’ll save my money. I give “XXX” a “3.0” on the scale