There’s an expression and, actually, a website too, called “jumping the shark”. It means the exact moment a show or actor or whatever went from being “the thing to see” to being a shell of itself or a parody of itself. Whatever it is is no longer cool – it’s called this because on an episode of “Happy Days” many years ago, Fonzie actually did water ski over a shark. Many believe that TV show went downhill from there.
I say this because about ten years ago I believe Al Pacino “jumped the shark”. That was after I saw “Scent of A Woman”. Al played a loud, larger than life character that charmed many, but annoyed me. Since then, every now and then he pops up in movie where I feel like he’s still playing the loud, over the top guy from “Scent of A Woman”.
Which brings us to a guy named Walter Burke, Al’s character in “The Recruit”. Walter is a CIA guy and he’s recruiting a man named James Clayton for “the company”. Clayton is played by Colin Farrell. Clayton is the central character of the movie, but there is no escaping Walter Burke.
Most of the action takes place at the CIA training facility in Langley, Virginia. Things move slowly as Clayton goes through the training regime. There he meets a pretty recruit named Layla and we have the usual attractive couple to follow with the old “will they or won’t they get together?” story.
Things eventually get complicated and more interesting as we may or may not have the old “double agent” story. The mysterious Burke enlists Clayton to work his way through the plot. All you have to remember is Burke’s words early on – “nothing is as it seems” and “it’s all a test”. You then have to figure out when that is true and when it is not. I say no more.
The trouble for me here is that Al Pacino’s Burke is too laughable – dressed all in black with his hair even dyed black, this guy is pretty far from a smooth looking CIA boss. He looks more like the Raiders owner Al Davis. He speaks in riddles and spouts clichés and with Clayton working so earnestly beside him, it all doesn’t add up.
The first hour of the movie is too slow, the second forty-five minutes better, but eventually too obvious. Oh, and there is a subplot about Clayton’s missing father – was he CIA too? By the end of the movie I didn’t care. I give “The Recruit” a “4.0” on the scale and ask Al to give that loud act a rest.
Friday, January 24th, 2003
Thanks to the Golden Globe Awards, these are the two hot films as we head to the Academy Awards. I decided to combine them for you in this review because they appeal to pretty much the same audience.
Both are about women and are aimed at the female audience. But they are very different movies. Let’s take “Chicago” first. And let’s be clear about this – this is a musical, there’s no getting around that.
It is the story of two 1920’s Chicago showgirls who are sent to prison for murder. The main character is Roxie Hart, played by Renee Zellweger. She killed her boyfriend after he failed to come through with a job for her at the local nightclub. The other lady is Gwen Kelly, played by Catherine Zeta -Jones. She is already a star at that nightclub and shot her husband and sister after finding them in bed together. The two women are represented by lawyer Billy Flynn. He’s played by Richard Gere.
I’m not into musicals and this one didn’t exactly bring me to a new realization about them. One more song by Richard Gere and I might have been out of there. But I did enjoy the main theme, which was about these women and their snaky lawyer using the power of the media to gain acquittals. It’s all done very grandiose and that tends to annoy me – it’s as if because they packaged these very tired and clichéd themes with bouncy music, rhyming lyrics and some fancy dancing, we’re all supposed to stand and applaud. That being said, the songs about Gere’s tactics and the ladies celebrity hungry superficiality were very good.
If I had to sit there and watch a musical, this isn’t the worst it could be – I give “Chicago” a “7.0” on the scale.
As for “The Hours”, it’s about women but rather than conniving, “celebrity wannabes”, the three in this movie appear more to be depressed, suicidal lesbians.
Nicole Kidman plays Virginia Wolfe, the author who was mentally ill and ended up killing herself. One of her books was “Mrs. Dalloway”, which is being read in the 1950’s by a suburban housewife played by Julianne Moore. She’s also rather depressed and is considering suicide. The third lady is positioned in present day and is played by Meryl Streep. She, at least, is in a lesbian relationship, but is still a bit depressed and seems to also be considering suicide. She apparently spends most of her time looking after her former lover who is ravaged by the AIDS virus.
Had enough? The performances are excellent, but the theme is troublesome and often hard to figure. But then again, I’m not a suicidal lesbian. It is really about women being put into positions not of their choosing. That I can handle. I’ll leave it at that and give it a “6.0”, but feel free to add a point or two if you relate to the material better than I did. I’ll stick with “About Schmidt” as the Oscar Best Picture, but who knows what will happen now.
Sunday, January 19th, 2003
First of all, bad title. I tell people I’m reviewing “Cold Creek Manor” this week and they look at me with the blank stare. I then say that’s the movie with Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone and they say, “oh, yeah, right”. Believe me, if you’re in the business of marketing movies, that’s not good.
I’m a patient guy and I’ve seen plenty of movies where dumb people do dumb things none of us would ever do, but I have a limit and this movie found it quick. Dennis and Sharon play a New York City couple named Cooper and Leah. After one particularly awful day in the city, they decide to pack up their two kids and move to the country. By the way, does every movie have to start with a newscaster on the radio waking up some late sleeper? Anyway, they pick “Cold Creek Manor”.
That’s the name of the estate, but you’d be mistaken if you thought it was a place for the wealthy. It was previously used as a farm, and to be specific, used to slaughter sheep. I’m not making this up.
But that’s not really the stupid part. Cooper and Leah buy this property despite the fact it’s a mess and the last tenant’s belongings are lying around everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Cooper starts picking through photographs of a woman and her two kids and Cooper’s son starts putting on the clothes of a kid about his age. Yuck! Seriously, if you were looking to purchase a new home and the place in front of you looks like it was hit by a hurricane and the people fled for their lives, wouldn’t you ask a few questions first?
Of course one of the previous tenants shows up – he’s a tobacco spittin’ hick named Dale, played by Stephen Dorff. He’s supposed to be real scary, but only manages to be real dumb. He leers at Cooper, flirts with the women, but does he have a secret about the last residents of “Cold Creek Manor”?
Dumb move number twenty-five (I think, I lost count) occurs when Cooper hires Dale to work on the house. Gosh, these people are from New York City, but they may as well be the trusting Clampett family. Snakes then show up all over the house (oooh- real scary) and all hell breaks loose. Yeah, I wish. I don’t know about you, but I thought this might be a ghost story. Well, it’s not. It’s more like a cheap version of “Cape Fear” and Stephen Dorff is no Robert DeNiro.
I eventually amused myself by going through all the stupid moves these people make. ”Okay, now, let’s lock ourselves in the house with the killer”. Or, how about, “I’ll just stand over this deep hole until the killer pushes me in”. But I enjoyed myself most when the family’s SUV was burning (of course, they were running towards it to escape). I said “hey, it’s an attack by the Earth Liberation Front!”
“Cold Creek Manor” takes stupid to a new level. Don’t you do the same and pay for it. I warned you – I give it a “3.0” on the scale.
Wednesday, January 15th, 2003
There are actually two different movies going on here. One is about Chuck Barris, the television game show creator, and the other is about Chuck Barris, the government assassin. In between all of that is a rundown of his sorry romantic life, but it’s all connected as Chuck tells us from the outset all he wants to do in life is to get girls.
Now, I’m sure you are all aware of Chuck the game show guy. He bought us “The Dating Game”, “The Newlywed Game” and, of course, that all time classic, “The Gong Show”. But how many of you know about Chuck Barris the killer?
I’m pretty sure Chuck, who you can see has major self-esteem problems, must have “created” the assassin story because he figured nobody would be interested in just the life story of a game show guy. Too bad – the game show stuff is far superior. The assassin story plays like a bad 60s’ LSD trip.
Sam Rockwell takes on the Chuck Barris role and does a very convincing job capturing that odd guy’s looks and mannerisms. Watching “The Gong Show”, I always figured the guy was drunk or high, but there was no doubt that he and that show were the most unusual and entertaining things on daytime television. I started off annoyed but later learned to love that show. Too bad the same didn’t hold true for this movie.
Things are going fine as Chuck takes his game show ideas and his girlfriend, played by Drew Barrymore, to New York. There he pitches “The Dating Game” idea. I didn’t know that the one of the first pilots for the show was pretty dirty – of course, Chuck may have made that up, but it’s pretty funny as he runs it by the network executives. They also appear to have dug up a scene from “The Newlywed Game” that some say is an urban legend. That’s the time a lady was asked “where’s the most unusual place you’ve ever made love?”, and yes, she talks about anal sex. I loved it!
So why did they have to go and ruin it all with this silly side story about Chuck Barris the killer? What a waste of George Clooney and Julia Roberts as the trench coat wearing, cliché spouting and mostly unfunny government agents. They looked like rejects from a Humphrey Bogart movie. But at least they made it clear to me this was all figment of Chuck’s imagination, either brought on drug use or mental illness or both. It seems that being a game show maven caused him much guilt as to what he has done with his life, although I’m not sure killing guys in Mexico would really make one feel any more fulfilled.
It all ends in a nasty climax as Chuck has to ensure his survival amidst all the usual double crossing that goes on in the undercover agent world. I sat there and said “why is this necessary?, but it’s Chuck’s life, not mine. For the record, the CIA says Barris was “absolutely not’ an agent and Chuck says he’s taking it all with him to his grave. I say whatever.
I’ll hang on to the great, although brief, behind the scenes game show stuff, and some terrific acting chemistry between Sam Rockwell and Drew Barrymore. That’s about half the movie – so I’ll give “Confessions of A Dangerous Mind” a “5.0” on the 1 to 10 scale.
Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
In narrowing down the choices to a list of “nominees”, I found myself with less choices then I usually do – marking this as a pretty poor year. I didn’t even have that many bad movies on the list, which tells me there were many mediocre ones out there this past year.
Here are the Top 10:
10. Lovely and Amazing – one blunt movie mostly featuring a mother and her grown daughters and their emotional entanglements. The stand out is an adopted stocky black girl who just says the most amazing truthful things. A nice change from standard kid characters who always seem to be so wise beyond their years.
9. Lilo & Stitch – despite the usual happy ending, this was a very funny cartoon that takes a turn towards the dark side for a while anyway.
8. Roger Dodger – an obnoxious know-it-all guy tries to show his teenage nephew how to get girls. Listen closely – some of the back and forth “battle of the sexes” dialogue is the best you’ll ever hear.
7. Undercover Brother – I know, I was probably the only one to see this movie. It didn’t look like I should be in the “target demographic”. Well, too bad, because for you talk radio listeners, this one takes on race issues and skewers all sides. Probably the funniest movie of the year.
6. City By The Sea – an emotional workout as an unknown, James Franco, playing Robert DeNiro’s son, steals the show as an addict on the run following the murder of a cop.
5. Knockaround Guys – just when I thought I couldn’t handle another “Sopranos” rip-off, this mostly serious story about a young mob man’s efforts to do a simple job for his Dad kept me on the edge of my seat.
4. Punch Drunk Love – the strangest movie I saw this past year and not just because it starred Adam Sandler in a semi-serious role. He’s got anger management issues that probably dwarf any problems you may have, but the best part is I was never sure what was coming next.
3. 13 Conversations About One Thing – I’m sure you never heard of this one, but if you’ve ever worked in an office and there’s one guy who seems untroubled by everything and another guy who walks around with a cloud over his head, you’ll relate to this one. I’m a sucker for movies that cover several stories at once and then the people converge later on.
2. Road To Perdition – Tom Hanks manages to be both a loving Dad and an ace hit man, all without uttering more than about twenty lines of dialogue. A quiet, creepy kind of movie that’s outstanding even though you know exactly where it’s headed.
1. About Schmidt – Jack Nicolson plays a newly retired guy who looks around one day and says “what the hell did I do with my life?”, then goes about trying to fix his daughters life. Jacks’ awakening and his reaction to middle America and the phoniness and utter stupidity of people’s lives has never been captured better on film.
And now the three worst movies I saw this past year:
3. Death To Smoochy – Robin Williams is running up a reputation for accepting parts in any old garbage, and this is garbage. Not funny, not scary, this story about a weirdo children’s show host trying to exact revenge is plain creepy.
2. The New Guy – a movie made for the teen audience couldn’t possibly entertain anybody. At eighty minutes, it set a new low for being the shortest movie by the clock that felt like the longest time I have ever spent in the theatre.
1. Swept Away – Madonna has now even managed to drag her otherwise talented husband’s reputation down with this unbelievably stupid and pointless movie. The premise is to bring two mismatched people together and get them to fall in love. When a tired old formula like that is done this badly, it’s time to ban the “virgin, material” girl from all further movie appearances. To her credit, she does show up in the new Bond movie and manages not to wreck that.
