I’ll spare you the agony of my being cute in this review by not rhyming each line. When I was a kid, these Seuss books were all around the house. I found them fascinating, but weird. Now a kid doesn’t usually care about whether or not a child’s book makes sense, but in this case I noticed. This may sound like I was more insightful at ten years old then your average kid, but I thought the whole green eggs and ham thing was some kind of drug trip.
This is all to say that I figured making a movie out of a storybook that was maybe twenty-five pages, and plenty weird at that, would be quite a chore. Sadly, I was right. Mike Myers gives it his all, but what are you going to do?
By comparison, let’s look back at “The Grinch” movie from a year ago. (more…)
Thursday, November 13th, 2003
It’s good to know that even major movie stars such as Anthony Hopkins and Nicole Kidman can make really bad movies every now and then. Where do I begin?
Ah, the title. One movie executive said it’s “off putting – it sounds like something you find on sheets”. Yes, exactly. I’ll call that the first oversight in the “checklist” of what went wrong here. With all the nonsense jobs that permeate Hollywood, how did somebody miss that obvious one? “The Human Stain”? -I felt embarrassed asking for my ticket at the box office. One for “The Human Stain”, please? Oh, and could you throw in tickets for “Vomit City” and “Fecal Paradise” while you’re at it?
Let’s move on and just hit you with this one – Anthony Hopkins plays a black man and Nicole Kidman a janitor. I’ll wait and let that sink in. Okay – got that? Now imagine them naked and rolling around in bed. You probably want your money back and you haven’t even paid to see this thing yet. (more…)
Friday, November 7th, 2003
Just six months after the sequel “Matrix: Reloaded” was released, part three arrives in theatres. It promises to be the finale, but don’t be so sure. More on that later.
This chapter focuses almost completely on the war between the humans and the machines. You may be one of those people that reads some really deep meaning into the whole humans enslaved by machines storyline – if so, you may be a bit disappointed here. Personally, I was relieved that what I call the “riddle” talk was kept to a minimum.
I was convinced during “Reloaded” that maybe the whole thing was a computer program and that there were no real humans fighting machines. Everything on the screen was one big computer program. I got frustrated by all the strange dialogue between Neo, The Oracle, Morpheus and The Architect. Things like – “you know what this is all about – it was always about you”. Or, “I may be telling you the truth, I may be lying, it’s your choice”. It was so cryptic and not helped by martial arts fight scenes that were endless and so choreographed.
Not so this time – yes, the riddle talk is still there, but at least I know these characters now and could make sense of most of it. What stood out are some outstanding fight sequences when the machines finally break through to “Zion” (that’s where the humans hide out) and take on the soldiers. Check out the “sentinels” – little flying toys with what looks like metal “Rastafarian” dreadlocks hanging off of them. They swarm like bees and act with such precision and timing that if we ever do end up in a war with machines, we’re in trouble.
Normally I wouldn’t care much for side characters whose only purpose is to get us to root for their courage and heroism, but they got it right by inserting a few soldiers to bravely defeat the machines. I say that because Keanu Reeves as Neo, Carrie-Anne Moss as Trinity and Lawrence Fishburne as Morpheus just don’t excite me. They exude “cool”, but their deadpan delivery is part of what convinced me this might all just be a computer game.
I will single out Hugo Weaving, the guy who plays Neo’s archenemy, Mr. Smith. Every time he gets on screen is time well spent – his smug, snide matter-of-fact delivery puts some humor into the happenings. And after he replicates himself millions of times over, he sure looks like formidable. Just how is Neo going to beat him now?
Plenty can be said that this Matrix installment went very conventional resembling “Star Wars” and “The Alien” and I can’t say I disagree much. What I will say is that maybe I needed that after the dull second movie. Remember that ridiculous fight sequence between Neo and the thousands of Smiths? It’s truncated this time and makes much more sense.
With “The Matrix – Revolutions”, you get what you paid for- action, action and more action. My theories as to what this was really about were wrong – and that’s okay. But I will deduct a point for leaving that door too wide open to more “Matrixes”. I give it a “7.0”.





